Years from now, when Illinois looks back on this seasonable, comfortably nice May afternoon, it’s going to be remembered as the day that they replaced their missing football with a new, micro Nerf version. It wasn’t just another node in a line of days. This had more meaning than the other carbon copied days of a tour. A new football came into their lives. For throwing purposes, they weren’t all that stoked on it, but they were going to give it a shot. They needed something after the old one had been thrown in a river or onto the top of a building, the details weren’t all that clear. Whichever happenstance it was that claimed the pigskin, it was gone, but here was the circle of life in force. The Target store where they purchased the new football was chosen to satiate their manager’s chronic addiction to Starbucks coffee, which he used to order and have shipped to his house over a decade ago. Target doubled as a Starbucks dealer, but he was shut out when he was told that they were shut down as the pipes were unfit for coffee-making. It was also an afternoon for lead singer Chris ??? to have a celebrity sighting like none other. Eric Christian Olsen, an area native who played the young Jim Carrey in the rightly maligned “Dumb and Dumberer” and a German drinking team member in the Broken Lizard film “Beer Fest,” was in town visiting his parents and having some pizza downstairs. When pointed out, ??? was C-starstruck. “Beer Fest” was one of his current favorite flicks. This was a glow that probably didn’t wear off for some time. We then went upstairs and he started naming old Phillies players and explaining why he had the Yankees emblem covered up with duct tape. In between it all, they recorded three brand new tunes that are splendid. You’ll soon agree. – Sean Moeller

Fourth song
Alone Again (Illinois) [2.90MB] [2311 downloads]


– original version appears on What The Hell Do I Know?
You’ve heard this one, in all likelihood.