Words by Sean Moeller, Illustration by Johnnie Cluney, Recording engineered by Mike Gentry
We live in a day and age when, more so than ever before, there's a true and proper fear of vampires and werewolves. They are literally everywhere and there can be only one reason for that. They ARE literally everywhere and there will be no stopping them once they decide to take over. Motion pictures, books and television shows - along with the writer and screenwriters behind them - are just extensions of what we're dealing with as a society. Some tend to think that the film industry glorifies so much of this, but we're not so sure that such thinking applies here when we're considering the headcount of werewolves and vampires currently living and working beside us, any given day. It seems to us that they might have nailed it here - possibly even sugar-coated it or undersold the population of such creatures milling about, perhaps operating the Arby's franchise in your town, or working as an appraiser of clocks and watches, as that dude is in the show "Grimm." All of this is believable. All of it. All of this is highly likely. We would have liked to have gotten into a conversation with Becky Black and Maya Miller, the two black-clad and bad ass women who comprise the Vancouver, Canada punk rock duo of The Pack A.D. about such important matters following this latest session taping, but they were busy plying us with beer koozies and were setting forth to bust over to Chicago for a gig that night. We wouldn't have had the time to flush out all of the facts, as we all see them, much less dispel any of the jibber jabber that's obviously just plain wrong. It's not to say that we don't find the subject to be extremely urgent and of significant importance, but we just weren't able to get to it this day and, for that, we're ashamed. It happened to be the wee early hours of the morning when they stopped in and conspiracy theory was likely going to have to take the backseat to Bloody Marys or an extended nap, for they were unfortunately roused far too early that day, though they wouldn't show their displeasure, those troopers. We wanted to talk to Black and Miller about the vampires and the werewolves, because we think that they would have calmed us down about them. They wouldn't have talked to us like we were scaredy cat little babies, but they would have stared us in the eyes and just told us to go fuck the werewolves and the vampires up if they ever started anything with us. They would have outlined the specific steps needed to be taken to rid ourselves of the inherent infestation of these aggressive nuisances - these hairy and fanged blights. They would have told us to invest is a solid ash Louisville Slugger or in some shotgun shells and then told us to hit the shooting club on the weekends, with the rest of the old boys. They would have advised us not to put up with any of their shit. It's just who they are and you hear it on their latest album, "Unpersons," a record completely devoted to the eradication of creatures of supernatural features and behavior from this world. It's all very heady stuff and thank goodness - spoiler alert - the vampires and werewolves didn't stand a fucking chance against these two ass whuppers.